By Rei Tanotsuka, 3 July 2019
Wanna see the World’s top 50 Elysian Beauties?
Women who own such breathtakingly celestial faces to even arouse fury in Helen of Troy!
If Helen commanded a fleet of 1000, then these women are worthy of launching the Russian RS-28 Sarmat onto a land patch with a leader who loves his own daughter as passionately as his son in law does! Yes, these women are worth the COLLATERAL DAMAGE!
ARE YOU READY? GO!
- Pei Fun Wang
Pei is one the most stunning women in the world even without a lick of make up! She boasts the skin of a preteen even though she is now an octogenarian. Her secret? Rice congee with 3 goji berries harvested from the beak of a baby swan! She grows her own baby swan and readily admits that smacking the gob of the infant cygnus to extract the berries, does take getting used to, but the benefits to the skin!……….She told Alaskan Vogue, ‘People think I am just preordained to have skin elasticity of tupperware but that’s not true. Tupperware cracks sometimes, I don’t.‘ Well, we wouldn’t either if we reared baby swans!
2. Yasai Nabe
Ms Nabe hails from The Kita Alps in Japan. She has skin reminiscent of a tofu, almond milk, liquid paper Vitamix smoothie! She thinks beauty is all about facial proportions and guess what? We agree. It really is! Her perfectly symmetrical face is due to her Asian genes and Western apps. She is rumoured to be dating a person, but she denies knowing anyone because she is dedicated to her feline collection. What’s new Pussy Cat? Nothing!
3. Jocelyn Min
Being a native Pyongyang resident, Jocelyn is a biracial beauty. She combines the agility and physical prowess of DPRK stock and American hubris of traversing into territories where its hegemony is clearly not welcomed. Though a progeny of an American bargaining chip and a Korean women who lost the final round in a fierce rock,scissors,paper tournament, she claims that her upbringing gave her a great home life. In fact, it’s her father who taught her how to be a poser, a cultural trait revered in the West.
4. Duyen Tran
Duyen is definitely showcasing beauty diversity! She has exquisite almond eyes with an epicanthic fold 0.0000012nm less prominent than the other beauties on the list! This is extremely rare and rarely detectable, which means that she can walk around ‘pretending’ to be just another beautiful girl rather than be an exceptionally beautiful girl!
She told Sudanese Vogue, ‘As a child growing up in Hanoi, I was picked on for being different ……0.0000012nm less prominent epicanthic eyefolds are a genetic anomaly, I had to learn to be ok and accept myself first before I could let the world accept me.‘ True dat!
5. Bebe Yamaguchi
Bebe is snap, crackle and pop anthropomorphised! She is the beloved and only child of Toru Yamaguchi and Shaquita Bartlett. Bebe combines the beauty of 2 glorious but contradictory nationalities.
Growing up, her mother told her to chill the ;;)#$@ down, while her father told her stand up and practice bowing at the accepted angles which were age appropriate. Says Bebe, ‘For the longest time I resented my dad for making me practice my wow bows, but thanks to the daily ritual, I’m now cellulite free with a ass you can park a bike in. Arigatou Ottosan!‘ A parents love for a child is universal, but carving out butt cheeks you can bounce billiard balls off is definitely cultural specific!
6. Yi Ling
Ethereal. The only one word appropriate to describe our next head turner. This stunner from formally Formosa, has the ubiquitous Asian symmetrical face with Western app lineage but add to that, DIVERSITY. You may have noticed by now (shame on you, if you didn’t), Yi has the skin tone of cream.
Yes, that’s right! In a world of Eggshell and Ivory, along comes Cream and just blows the competition away! People are disquieted to learn that Yi was once bullied as a teen for being different. Yi told Uzbekistan Vogue, ‘Kids used to tease me all the time…..whenever we ate lunch, there would always be one kid who lamented ‘Wish we could get some icecream….’ I would turn my head down and pretend that I didn’t hear. Sometimes even adults indulged in this by asking me if I wanted to celebrate my birthday with a cream cake……‘. We feel Yi’s pain and want to show the world that Cream is as beautiful as Eggshell and Ivory!
7. Irina Pavlova
Yes, Ms Pavlova is certainly a delicious looking centenarian…..WHAT???She’s 100???? Yes, the only beauty on this list to boast a triple digit age and IQ!
Irina is from Yakuita, in Siberia Russia, where the temperature ranges from -20 C to -60 C which means, yes you guessed it, free cryogenic freezing! While others are expected to offload kidneys on the black market to obtain the anti-aging treatment, Irina gets a daily dose for free while simply drifting off to slumber land! Irina told Vatican Vogue, ‘ In Russia we have a saying….to be a heart stopper, you must stop the heart. Russian joke. You have to be here to see it’s not a figure of speech.’. Well, we would skip a few beats ourselves if we look like that at 108!
The other 43 beauties all look like the above…..with a few token black people thrown in. I could go on but I am sure your enthusiasm to keep scrolling through the list is on par with watching a dog trying to lick an itchy orifice, interesting, but you already know the result…. Yeah? Welcome to my world!
Before we move on, in case you had not caught on, the above lovely ladies have fictitious information assigned under their profile. The pictures are off the internet and they are famous Asian actors and models but what I wrote is basically hooha.
The Most Beautiful Women in the World? According to who, how many people in the poll and what is the sample size of beauty choices????
Though tongue in cheek, the above is exactly what we normally see in Western publications when running these banal, magazine bait articles pertaining to beauty, only instead of no White people and with an avalanche of various different ‘diverse’ Asians, it is the exact reverse.
Click on the following to check the veracity of my claim.
Esquire– No East Asians here.
Cosmo – No East Asians here…closest are a few biracial women.
Stylecraze – This one contains 1 East Asian looking beauty, riiiiiiight at the end at 50. The last one…..most people would not even scroll that far down to be honest.
IMDB – This list contains 100 women, not even 1 of them with an East Asian face.
Australian Vogue – Like I said, Straya is damn racist if I may say so myself. At least the other lists contained Black girls, the most Australia could stomach were a few Latino girls with basically a bevy of an all white cast. What really makes one’s stomach churn here, is the employment of the eugenics marker of using ‘science’ as ‘proof’ of their bias.
Beauty is in the eye of the publisher
Whoever creates the media, creates the reality.
Anyone who has even had a passing interest in the persuasive clout of demagoguery will notice how effective it is in inducing a frenzied belief in something. Witness tattoos.
I recall almost no one in my immediate circle as a child, who was inked. Now, I hardly know anyone in Australia who doesn’t at least sport a little sanskrit between the fingers.
I do not think the ‘whim’ to annotate a Nietzsche quote from Google onto your forearm arose spontaneously. Me thinks it’s due to the inordinate amount of celebrities laying claims to being expressive and original by getting the sleeve.
This is a real story sans embellishment. I know someone who wanted to tattoo one of her in-laws onto her arm. The picture she wanted to permanently imprint on her own body, was of her father -in- law wearing a cap that had ‘Pussy’ emblazoned across it and no, I’m not talking about Trump….
No Asians is Ok but don’t claim it as a WORLD TRUTH
My conjecture is that people who come up with these lists are of the following variety:
- Female Writers – Plain looking writers with body dysmorphia, who for the most part do not actually pick the most ‘beautiful’ anything. They pick the person, who in their own delusion, they feel they are most similar to…..if they: dropped 30 pounds/ got implants/ stopped spending money on grog and bought a smoothie instead/ only knew how to ‘contour’ properly.
- Male Writers -Plain looking guys who measure the beauty quotient not on facial balance but on how much skin the celebrity has shown. Most guys can’t even discern the ‘beauty’ on face alone, he needs to ascertain the identity based on the shape of the underboob or thiccness of her thighs! Snap!
- Both sexes who compile the lists – People who socialise little and hence hold a belief that White beauty is the apex. However, a little afraid of the backlash these days by the coloured folk, they try to break up the milk beauties with an occasional splash of Latte, this according to them, is what diversity means.
If your world view is constricted by impecunity, then have the humility to reserve your hillbillly opinions to exactly that – your own limited perspective!
It is the insouciant manner of Western writers which incense me when they clearly exercise an unbridled ‘right’ to be openly xenophobic to any demographic they see fit.
It’s not forcing them to put an Asian beauty on the list if they don’t subjectively think she is beautiful, but don’t declare their personal opinion as an prescription for what the world holds to be beautiful.
The dominance of the Western note being the only one that matters in our global concerto, needs to taken out and rewritten into the piece that ends in a crescendo of mutual recognition and respect. This won’t happen when the West keeps telling everyone that they are THE MOST BEAUTIFUL!!
So to everyone reading this, if you are Western, get a grip! Quit thinking your opinion is reflective of 7.3 bil people! If you are of Asian descent, start compiling your own lists and put them up in social media platforms. It’s about time that we all put our own biased, myopic views as world truths. Why not? That’s what the West has done for a few centuries, after all, the aim is to be like the West right?